We're all ensconced at the new clinic. I was just there this morning, for an insemination. Its not as touchy-feely as CL was, not as gay. But they know how to get it done, and I'm happy to have their expertise on our side.

The doctor I'm working thinks I'm hilarious. The first time we met, she read my chart, went over my records from previous doctors...and cracked up.

"Sorry. It's just...here where it asks for method of birth control, you wrote 'being a lesbian'"

A failsafe method.

They took about a gallon of my blood, and the doctor examined the results. My LH level was super high, round about where someone would be at age 40 or after, not at age 31. So the recommendation was for me to get my shit together and hit it hard. No guarantees, of course, but clearly there was no point in wasting time.

But there were still a few more tests to run, some dye to shoot through my fallopian tubes, all kinds of fun stuff that involved poking instruments into my body. Honestly at this point it's weird for me to be in a room with a medical professional and NOT be pantsless. Awkward at the dentist.

We started inseminating again last month. I had cysts present at the start of that cycle, nothing to worry about, the doctor said they'd shrink and go away and they did. But that meant I couldn't have hormones to help me along that time. I ovulated normally, we inseminated, nothing came of it.

We're in the midst of a second cycle now. This time the cysts were gone, so I was allowed to use Clomid. I developed two follicles, both pretty hefty. We all would have liked to see more, with the Clomid, but still, I was glad that they were there, at the right time in the cycle. They gave me a prescription for a trigger shot, but I ovulated on my own, and I had an IUI this morning.

Does anyone even want to read this? Its boring, but it's true.

This process is pretty...repetitive after a while. If this doesn't work, they'll tinker with the drugs, I'll work on the timing. And again. And again. Time goes on, and the whole thing's not nearly as fraught as it used to be. I just can't keep up that level of drama, and it would be counterproductive to do so anyway. I have other things to worry about - the wedding, the fact that I don't have a job right now (that's another fun story for another time), the insurance headaches that come from going to the doctor multiple times a month. And other things to make me happy - Jen, the wedding, my family, my friends, working out like a mofo, the YA fiction I'm obsessed with reading and writing. Trying to make a baby is part of my life, but not my whole life. And if it doesn't work, then...we'll work on other plans.

We did see a lawyer, get the basics on adoption. The wedding comes first, and moving out of this apartment. But that's a possibility, on the horizon, one that I'm sure will bring its own joy and heartache and bureaucracy. So. We'll see.