On saturday, we found out that this insemination did not result in pregnancy. Our hopes had been up - Jen's luteal phase was longer than ever before, which means her period appeared later than ever before. She was cautious, but optimistic, I was flat out optimistic and cautiously terrified. But it wasn't a baby after all.
I feel sometimes like my being a little scared of it taking jinxes everything. This whole process brings about a lot of magical thinking. If I ask Jen if she has symptoms, then that ruins everything. I can't ask her today. I'll ruin everything.
None of that is true.
After we found out we were not pregnant, we went out to NJ for a Chinese New Year party. There, we ran into a baby. We had last seen him in utero, but now he was out and wearing a t-shit that said Ladies Man. He was cute. But it would have been more fun to just get wasted and not have to look at a cute baby. When we got home I went to bed and Jen stayed up and had beers alone.
Sunday, we went over to a friend's apartment in brooklyn. Having NEVER in the four+ years that there have been friends of mine living in that apartment, run into a baby there, we run into a baby there. Even younger than the Saturday baby, it was even harder to socialize with.
Jen and I are trying to embrace our young married coupledom. And I do love it. This week we've created a 6 day weekend for ourselves that will be spent doing nothing but having sex and long breakfasts and cocktails. That's what I'm terrified of changing. But since we don't know when the babycrafting will start to work, and since it costs a bunch, our young unfettered coupledom is fettered.
We try again in March.
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