Where were we with this sordid tale?

April and May. A lot happened. Lets start at the beginning. Jen is seeing a new doctor. Someone who deals in fertility, not just ob/gyn. At the new doctor's, they did some tests. The results were...not what we wanted to see. Levels that should be low were high.

We sort of freaked out about that. Maybe it meant that Jen didn't have a lot of eggs left. Or the ones she did have weren't good eggs. That news came on the same day that I got a job offer that I was very interested in, a job offer that would radically change what had become a familiar schedule for us. It was a big day. Stressful. I scooted myself into an empty rehersal studio at my office and talked to Jen on my cell for almost an hour.

The initial upset led us to discuss something fairly huge. Me carrying instead of Jen. I'm happy to do it, if we have to, but I'm not happy for Jen not to carry a biological child of her own. She wants that. *I* want that. I love Jen and a baby like her, who looks like her, and has her very very very special ways about it, it would give me great joy to spend time with that child. A child who has me in it...well, that is...less appealing. I'm sure I'll love it in the end, but that hasn't been how I conceptualized the deal. Especially the part about me being a stay at home mom. Being a stay at home mom to a baby I birth...is a whole different prospect than being a stay at home mom to a baby Jen carried. I wanted and want our little alterna happy family plan.

When Jen eventually spoke to the doctor, he told her that our freak out might be a bit premature. He didn't believe that the numbers had a direct correlation to the eggs left, and there were some other tests to do first. So my uterus is on deck. Jen's still at the plate. The dreaded HSG. She did it, on valium, and the result was, her tubes were fine. Clear. Then some more bloods.

Another #. This time, should be high, was low. Not ideal. But the doctor says we can try. So we stuck to our June insemination plan. The derailing of that in the next excruitating installment.