This month we try again. I am feeling pretty good about our chances, even though a minor flurry of potentially major issues erupted over the past few days.

First, Jen's mom has been dealing with some health issues. She's not actively sick, but potentially quite sick. Its been a lot of tests and waiting and Jen being frustrated that maybe her mom wasn't giving her all the info and me trying hard to comfort my sad, frustrated baby.

While that was happening, some old debts reared their ugly heads. They are being dealt with in a practical and managable manner. But this coming out of the blue was insanely stressful, especially for Jen. And we've had to cancel a Valentine's Day vacation we were planning. It was either that or use less sperm. To which I said I was more than happy to spend a frugal Valentine's day at home with my (hopefully pregnant) baby.

THEN. At some point Jen used my phone to call her phone, to find it in the house. When she did that she saw a call to someone in my phone book identified only as "A". A past horrible experience with a girlfriend who cheated came crashing back to her, and she was terrified for days that I was cheating. She didn't say anything, but was extremely sensitive and sad. I thought it was due to the stuff with her mom and the money, but eventually weasled it out of her. I was horrified to think that she had been miserable for days! And over absolutely nothing. The "A" was just random shorthand I had used to store the number of an administrator at one of the library programs I was applying to. I felt kind of awful that Jen had thought I would cheat, but I know she was just feeling extremely low, and this experience was a lot like one that HAD ended badly, so I see why she would be quick to jump to hideous, nauseating conclusions. I felt kind of awesome that I could clear it all up and make her SO much happier so quickly. But on the whole, ugh. I can't even enjoy writing about that. Its gross.

SO>We were planning to order sperm on Monday to pick up on Tuesday. That is when Jen SHOULD be ovulating but that way we could be confident that we are right about that. On occasion Jen has elongated cycles, ovulating a full week later. And if its one of those and we bought the sperm too early, we'd be screwed, having wasted both money and sperm...So we wanted to get as many signs as possible pointing toward yes before we ordered. But then today we were going to call the sperm bank to give them a new credit card, and realized they are CLOSED for ALL of next week. So if we wanted to have it on tuesday, we had to decide that TODAY and pick it up on Friday. So we don't get those extra days to watch for signs and be sure sure sure even though things ARE looking good from the signs we have seen (ferning beginning, opk showing a line beginning to darken). We went for it in the end, but ordered less straws than planned. Also, when we did that, we realized that someone else is all up in our donor. They must have ordered 4 straws this month. I hope they get pregnant because a)that means the sperms' got juice, b) I wish them nothing but success, c) then they can stop buying MY sperm.

Through all that though, my enthusiasm has not dampened. I am very excited about this month's insemination(s). And I am more sure than ever that Jen and I are a great couple, and that one day we're going to have a great kid.

So. The temple of dendur returns tomorrow.


Rachael said...

wow, that's a lot going on. i'm glad you're still feeling excited about this month.

good luck!
rachael (mmm_cake from lj)

Laura said...

I am really excited for you guys! I am crossing all fingers and sending good wishes!
I miss you as well!